Thursday, May 13, 2010

Iron Man's number two

Just this week I was asked by a friend the most deep and intellectual question, ever possible. It was so amazing and shocking that I remained in a state of silence for a few seconds, before swiftly in my mind visualising possibilities. The question, simply put by the oh so clever individual, was, "Hey, how do you think Iron Man takes a dump flying around in his suit?". The question was so groundbreaking I considered my options, and the possibilities of how Iron Man could take a 'number two' materialised in front of my very eyes.

Some of the choices were so incredible I just had to share them with you.

Here they are in no particular order:

  1. Iron Man shares the same excrement disposal system that airplanes use where planes ascend to high altitudes and said excrement becomes frozen, and is released into the ocean below.
  2. Iron Man has a unique fossil fuel generator integrated into his suit so when he decides to let the ‘spaceship’ loose, it is converted into a viable fossil fuel (in comparison to something like coal).
  3. Iron Man has a missile guidance system situated near his rear that shoots out special skudmark missiles made of a combination of faecal matter and high explosives.
  4. Finally, Iron Man simply has a release latch so that whenever he feels nature calling, he simply opens the hatch and lets loose like a pigeon midair.

These are all possibilities, and some could be the truth. Or, maybe Iron Man has a strong case of constipation and is in need of some laxatives. Better call an ambulance for the man of iron because nature is a bitch, even to superheroes like Iron Man. RAMjew

Monday, May 3, 2010

I didn’t realize it, but 300 Words makes reviewing things very difficult. Recently I had been given the task of a 300 word District 9 review. And while I don’t think I completely failed, I may need some practice. Anyway, here it is in all its mediocre glory:

"Breaking from stagnant tradition, Neil Blomkamp’s District 9 not only injects new life into the sci-fi genre, but manages to maintain the genres original redeeming qualities. Sci-fi customs seemed set in stone, character types repetitive, and narrative plots remaining generally unchanged. So it is definitely refreshing to see such fluid acting, readily identifiable themes, unique locations and cinematic choices. It’s an emotional roller coaster that supplies brilliance by the bucket load.

The film introduces us to Wikus van de Merwe, the corporation M.N.U. (Multi-National United) to which he works for, and who maintain District 9; the Johannesburg slum where a marooned alien species currently reside. In a routine reallocation project, Wikus unwittingly infuses himself with mutating alien D.N.A. and so must avoid capture by the M.N.U. who in the search for new weaponry, want to study him as they have secretly and brutally studied the resident aliens. Subsequently, Wikus attempts to aid the aliens in returning home, in exchange for a cure.

In striving to innovate, District 9 completely throws the genres defining characteristics on their head. Its indicative and emotional strength lies in its ability to twist the familiar into the unexpected. No longer are the alien’s a vastly superior, suppressive and omniscient force; but instead find themselves nutritionally crippled and at the mercy of humanity. Introduction of character, plot and setting through a documentary styled introduction takes the surreal aspect of sci-fi and makes it real. Combining this with some amazingly implemented and realistic C.G. effects gives an impression of believability. Which when applied to the very real themes of segregation and xenophobia, it becomes exceptionally easy to imagine ourselves in the same situation to which the characters find themselves; especially considering the films mirroring of Apartheid in a similar South African setting. District 9 begs for sympathy in aliens who closely resemble our own humanity, and asks us to recognise the evils of our own nature."
Its a brilliant movie. And regardless of anyone elses opinion, one of my favourites gr33n_FIEND