Star Gate Universe, Redescribing My Favourites

Among the drones of the nerd collective, I fly the banner as a digital legionnaire. Gaming, star ships, dragons and hell of a lot of coffee; these are the things I pledge an allegiance to. As a nerd, there’s nothing more blissfully satisfying than sniffing a variable digital coke off of an electronic toilet seat (so to speak). Although, and despite relinquishing most of my soul to a life of visual and audible servitude; I have made the best of efforts and intentions to avoid fanboyism at all costs. Nothing is worse than when an intelligent debate of Star Wars vs. Star Trek or Cloud vs. Sephiroth is mangled by an angry fanboy flaming the forum. In trying to avoid the ruthless path of a fanboy, I have dedicated myself to keeping an open mind to both clones and sequels of my favourite franchises. In the spirit of extending myself, I am going to give Star Gate Universe a shot.

You’ve finally figured out what this article is about; I like, love, cherish (need more synonyms), adore, admire, respect, and value (there that should be enough) Stargate. It’s the novelty and quirkiness in combination with a deep and engrossing sci-fi lore that commands nothing but love for the series. Both ‘SG1’ and ‘Atlantis’ appreciate the need for an appreciably serious plot, yet preserve a balance with witty characters and a light (sometimes comedic) atmosphere. So when a darker, more serious Stargate ‘Universe’ takes the stage; an urge to show my Hyde or Hulk side began to emerge. The only way to stop it is to shut up, watch some episodes and give my first impressions.

I began the first episode with some seriously negative expectations; while in retrospect, I should’ve had more faith in what I now believe to be a thoroughly enjoyable and gripping series. Stargate Universe primarily takes place aboard the Ancient built star ship known as ‘Destiny’. The lead characters, rather predictably, are the stranded aboard an ever journeying and slowing decaying Destiny. The series comprises of their current ‘day to day’ and past struggles. I say past because Stargate Universe has made a uniquely large attempt at defining and intelligently developing the major characters and their back stories. This, along with state of the art CG and cinematic techniques help it to break away from (of what some felt) a low budget feel of SG1 and Atlantis. That being said, Stargate Universe also comes packaged with the necessary increases in violence, blood and sex that all modern audience attracting series maintain.

As a diehard fan of SG1 and Atlantis I lament the loss of the series’ wit, character tone and flare. Everything being equal however, I really appreciate and enjoy this new series as a thing in itself and as a new take on former Stargate Tradition. It really seems to be the beginning of a great series. I can already see me being unable to wait patiently for each new episode.

As a sci-fi series I give it plenty of praise; it’s a shame it doesn’t quite feel like a Stargate series just quite yet. gr33n_FIEND

Low on Macro, Large on Fun, Supreme Commander 2

Assuming you’re not a genius of some sort, imagine the difficulty of trying to solve a Rubik’s cube in one sitting. That’s still not quite enough for the sake of this comparison; so at the same time, try cooking a three course meal, knitting and playing the piano all while still trying to solve that Rubik’s cube. I think that about accurately describes the macro and micro required to effectively play the original Supreme Commander. So, and giving that my logic is on occasion correct, it’s not unreasonable to assume that when ‘Gas Powered Games’ release a sequel. We can be expected to have to employ much of the same insane management skills as before. However, and quite predictably, ‘Supreme Commander 2’ is a little bit different. This happens because somewhere along the line and in the midst of all the young and strapping (new age) multi-genre games. The RTS genre, being relatively old in the world of gaming has decided it appropriate to have a midlife crisis, buy a sports car and get a new hair style. I say predictably because this ‘RTS evolution’ has been happening since as early as Warcraft 3, but more recently Dawn of War 2 and even Command and Conquer 4 has followed suit. As an intrepid nerd I respect the idea of gaming innovation and evolution. It’s when it comes to the implementation of this idea upon an already popular franchise that I feel the need to be critical. This being particularly true when it involves the adaptation (or possible mutilation) of an already working and well received formula. Happily, Supreme Commander 2 got the haircut but hasn’t bought the sports car; and so has maintained a balance of old and new with much of its RTS character remaining intact.

Gas Powered Games, having obviously been influenced by their project partners (and RPG gurus) Square Enix; have taken a more tactical and ever so slight RPG’ish approach to Supreme Commander 2. The original game implemented a tier unit and construction system to which higher tiered units were vastly more powerful than their lower tiered brethren; meaning any relatively experienced player who was able to climb the tiers fast enough would absolutely crush all opposition. To alleviate this, the developers swapped the tier system for a more docile research tech tree; whereby the player is tasked with collecting and using research points to upgrade their armies on the fly. This means that should any player find themselves backed into a strategic corner; they’d have the opportunity to research their way out. Unfortunately as a side-effect of this system, some strategic depth has been lost. The tech tree system also seems to encourage research point amassing and uber turtling, not that that’s any less fun for most
gamers. Another (welcome) change comes from that of the experimental units. In Supreme Commander 1, experimental units were potential game ending units that possessed nothing less that grandiose fire power; but took monumental resources, time and effort in order to construct and invoke their mighty wrath. Supreme Commander 2 has become a race to build the most, now much cheaper and just as pleasurable, sexperimental (I mean experimental) units as possible before your opponent does so first.

Supreme Commander 2 seems to favour the casual rather than the alienating them as the original did. The more elite RTS fan will unfortunately most likely find it lacking in depth. Whether you agree with this new take on the franchise or not it is a solid game; and what it now lacks in depth it most certainly makes up for in fun. The campaign although repetitive in places was enjoyable and serves as a great introduction to the multiplayer side of the game, the real meat and potatoes. Multiplayer is as awesome as many will have expected. The balance and variety of unit make for both expected and unexpected strategies. Even when it comes down to experimental rushes, a good experimental strategy and mix will always overcome a straight attack.

Supreme Commander 2 is entertaining and could easily replace the hole Command and Conquer 4 has left behind; well at least until Star Craft 2 is (if ever) released. The graphics engine provides brilliant detail with a negligible cost on performance. I’m also happy to report there are comparatively few bugs. As a consequence of Supreme Commander 2’s midlife crisis, fanboys of the original and its epic RTS style will most likely be found frothing at the mouth when Supreme Commander 2 is brought up in conversation. For everyone else and despite its need for a rather large patch if you want to play online, it really is an enjoyable RTS that any fan of the genre can enjoy.

Experimentals FTW! green_FIEND

I didn’t realize it, but 300 Words makes reviewing things very difficult. Recently I had been given the task of a 300 word District 9 review. And while I don’t think I completely failed, I may need some practice. Anyway, here it is in all its mediocre glory:

"Breaking from stagnant tradition, Neil Blomkamp’s District 9 not only injects new life into the sci-fi genre, but manages to maintain the genres original redeeming qualities. Sci-fi customs seemed set in stone, character types repetitive, and narrative plots remaining generally unchanged. So it is definitely refreshing to see such fluid acting, readily identifiable themes, unique locations and cinematic choices. It’s an emotional roller coaster that supplies brilliance by the bucket load.

The film introduces us to Wikus van de Merwe, the corporation M.N.U. (Multi-National United) to which he works for, and who maintain District 9; the Johannesburg slum where a marooned alien species currently reside. In a routine reallocation project, Wikus unwittingly infuses himself with mutating alien D.N.A. and so must avoid capture by the M.N.U. who in the search for new weaponry, want to study him as they have secretly and brutally studied the resident aliens. Subsequently, Wikus attempts to aid the aliens in returning home, in exchange for a cure.

In striving to innovate, District 9 completely throws the genres defining characteristics on their head. Its indicative and emotional strength lies in its ability to twist the familiar into the unexpected. No longer are the alien’s a vastly superior, suppressive and omniscient force; but instead find themselves nutritionally crippled and at the mercy of humanity. Introduction of character, plot and setting through a documentary styled introduction takes the surreal aspect of sci-fi and makes it real. Combining this with some amazingly implemented and realistic C.G. effects gives an impression of believability. Which when applied to the very real themes of segregation and xenophobia, it becomes exceptionally easy to imagine ourselves in the same situation to which the characters find themselves; especially considering the films mirroring of Apartheid in a similar South African setting. District 9 begs for sympathy in aliens who closely resemble our own humanity, and asks us to recognise the evils of our own nature."

Its a brilliant movie. And regardless of anyone elses opinion, one of my favourites gr33n_FIEND

Rapture, There's No Place Like Home

For an allegedly flooded city at the bottom of the ocean and on the verge of collapse; the aptly named Rapture, seems to provide quite an accommodating home for its ‘unique’ citizens. And despite the fact that it’s on life support, in 2K Games’ Bioshock 2, Rapture’s environment is even livelier than what it was in the original Bioshock.

Not to be confused as a prequel; Bioshock 2 takes place eight years after the incidents of Bioshock 1. Andrew Ryan, being the ever so popular man that he was, had actually fostered two major enemies: Frank Fontaine a.k.a. Atlas, the plasmid whoring protagonist of the first game, and now Sofia Lamb, a psychiatrist way past her sell by date. This being Bioshock, we expect our antagonistic villains to meet the strict standards of crazy and power hungry to which we hold. Luckily for us, Sofia Lamb does that by bucket load.

The premise behind Bioshock 2 is simple, 2k Games, having recognised our urge to kick some serious ass from behind the visor of a Big Daddy suit. Lashes us (the player) into a prototype Big Daddy suit, names us Delta, and sends us on our merry way. As with any Big Daddy, our purpose revolves around the protection of the Little Sisters. But unlike any other Big Daddy, and owing to our prototype nature, we are paired with but one Little Sister named Eleanor. Unfortunately for us, and as is the nature of things, Eleanor just so happens to be the daughter of Rapture’s most popular resident psychotic, Sofia Lamb. This is introduced to us, in part, by an introductory cut scene, which according to Bioshock 2’s time scale occurs ten years before the start of the game and so two years before the start of Bioshock 1. Eleanor is captured against her will by Sofia and her goons, who through the use of those pesky plasmids, manipulates Delta into committing suicide. It’s ten years later and Eleanor, now all grown up, and along with the other Little Sisters of Rapture, want to be free of both Sofia and her monologue inducing plot. The game begins with the revival of Delta, after which, Eleanor requests the player to free her from her imprisonment. Ruining the plot or diluting the story wouldn’t give the game justice. So briefly, the game involves Delta’s trials in the attempt to find and rescue Eleanor, and tribulations in stopping Sofia’s plans.

In order for this plot to succeed, and as is done in the first game, the atmosphere of Rapture is really quite involved. It’s just as easy to get lost in the dystopian and steam punk lore of Rapture as it was in the original game, where the architecture and environment truly embrace the magnitude and achievement of something like Rapture. The numerously placed audio logs are also back, and this time in greater number. These serve to both introduce and carry a large portion of Rapture and its inhabitant’s story forward. Sadly the ocean views may get repetitive at times, and many of the areas seem to be more linear than the original game. But the level at which the characters and surrounding world interact and persuade us to believe all that we encounter, is easily of the same standard and if not better than the first game.

Being a prototype Big Daddy does explain why Delta is able to wield plasmids. Why a prototype is faster, stronger and smarter than the final version however, is beyond me. That being said, it shouldn’t really matter how Delta kicks ass; because if there’s but one universal truth to gaming, it’s that it’s fun to kick ass. Not being content with a simple rehash of the originals game mechanics. Enough change and improvement has been made to keep the combat, Adam collection and hacking mechanics of Bioshock 2 enjoyable. The combat has a faster pace, sometimes elevating to large scale showdowns and gunfights. Hacking is thankfully more intuitive and less interruptive, with the new hacking mini-game, the player must hack on the fly and so isn’t removed from the experience. Trying to hack an object while attempting to dodge incoming fire can be a lot of fun. Adam collection still sees us defeating our fellow Big Daddy brethren, the difference being that instead of simply choosing whether to harvest or save each individual Little Sister; the player can now choose to temporarily adopt the Little Sister. After doing so, we must subsequently locate and protect specific corpses, to which our Little Sister happily consumes their blood, mmm tasty. The benefit of protecting her from those maniacal splicers is a greater Adam return when we finally decide the fate of each Little Sister. These choices both shape the ending of the game and trigger a Big Sister to attack after saving or harvesting all available Little Sisters in a stage. Big Sisters are grown up Little Sister under the persuasion of Sofia Lamb; so prepare yourself for a fight, because apart from wielding almost every plasmid and some serious weaponry, they provide enough of a challenge to lay down some serious hurt. Being a Big Daddy, we come fully equipped and adorned with a bunch of neat trinkets; like the bolt friendly rivet gun, and the always satisfying and always effective giant drill.

Bioshock 2, just like the original Bioshock, is definitely a game worth playing. And while graphics addicts may have gripes with the visuals not being as smooth or the water as clear as its original, there is certainly a whole lot more animation going on. Besides, it was never trying to win any medals for its graphics. And bugs aside, its real strength is in its detail; characters portray a lot more emotion than the cardboard cut outs of most; and at times, its atmosphere can be audio and visual bliss. The game attempts to captivate and hold your attention from start to end, and to this endeavour, it does it brilliantly.

It isn’t perfect, but it’s a great reason for us to visit Rapture again; and that’s all we ever wanted. gr33n_FIEND

Pollen on the Brain (A Plants vs. Zombies Review)

Unfortunately in the world of gaming, the recycling of old and unoriginal gaming ideas is a viable and highly profitable business. It’s not often that a developer like Pop Cap (being the kings of recycling themselves) makes something new, yes they create newer games, but those games are basically re-skinned versions of their older ones and as such, are not really new in a sense. But winds of change seem to be blowing, because unbelievably, they made not only a new game, but one that involved every gamer’s favourite mascot, the zombie. Naturally, I was quite excited, although I must admit I still had my reservations; once I had played the game however, those reservations quickly became null and void as I found myself playing an incredibly fun game.

Plants vs. Zombies is basic in its formula but very big in its result. By taking influences from the tower defence maps of Warcraft 3, and building upon that simple premise, the player must prevent zombies from munching on the brains (which they oh so lovingly do) of the houses owner. It’s simple yet deceptively fun. Zombies, being the nuisance they are, spawn in continuous waves on the right side of a garden, their goal, is simply to get to the left side where the owners house is located. Your job as the player is to strategically place plants in an effort to prevent the zombies from accomplishing their goal; which as you would expect, becomes progressively more difficult each level. In order to successfully defend your garden, and through the various methods available to you, the player must collect enough sun power with which you can plant your vegetable army. How these photo synthesisers of doom manage to impede such zombie masses? Well I’m not exactly sure, but what I do know, is that by acting as either defensive obstacles or offensive attackers, they get the job done with satisfying effect.

These satisfying ingredients make up a majority of the game, but between every few levels, and after completing the game however, a series of enjoyable mini-games present themselves. These mini-games allow for a variation of play styles, this successfully manages to keep the game fresh and fun; ranging from the bowling over of zombies with walnuts, to playing a bejewelled style game with a twist.

As important as gameplay may be, there are many other elements to which comprise a game. For example, both the graphical style and audio track lend themselves brilliantly to the game and its accommodating themes. In fact, they do more than that, because they help to complete the game. Without these specific design choices, the game would seem less like a retail product and more like a mini browsing game. Over and above everything else I have mentioned, it’s the polish that most astounds me. The game is well balanced, almost completely bug free and not to mention incredibly addictive. Not only has Plants vs. Zombies been polished to an absolute T, but the game reeks of character, to a point you’d think it was the stilton of gaming. So what am I trying to say? Well it’s quite simple really, play Plants vs. Zombies. It really is a fine game, and if anything to go by, I see better days to come from Pop Cap.

It's a great game, its only real failing is its short length. gr33n_FIEND

One Small Piece of Anime Heaven

One Piece, it was almost assuredly love at first sight. Not only is it my most beloved and cherished of anime series, but for me and many others;it defines what an anime series should be. To such an extent in fact, One Piece has become an epic in its own right. Ok, so that’s more than enough fan speak for now, I don’t want you to get tired of me before you finish reading this post. So let me cut out all the unnecessary fat, and let’s get down to business. Yes, I believe One Piece to be worthy of praise, and yes, I am writing this post in the hopes of convincing, if only a few of you, to watch One Piece. But I’m not naive, and I’m most certainly not stupid, well at least I hope I’m not. I also know that not everyone reading this post is a fan of anime, moreover, I know that every anime fan that is reading this post, already has a favourite anime. So in the attempts of not angering anyone, and therefore losing my cause, I am going to try and motivate my point.

One Piece is story which revolves around the exploits and characters of the Straw Hat Pirates. Pirate anime, originality from the get go. The Straw Hat Pirates are a crew 9, who consist of:

Luffy (Captain)
Zoro (Swordfighter)

Nami (Navigator)
Usopp (Sniper I guess)
Sanji (Cook)
Chopper (Docter)
Robin (Archaeologist)
Franky (Shipwright)
Brook (Musician)

A normal enough crew name wise, but as you can see, there is clearly nothing ordinary about them. Before I make an attempt at explaining what makes this particular crew or any other character in One Piece, unique; it would probably be wise of me to explain the setting of which this anime finds itself. One Piece is set in a world of fantasy, where the King of Pirates, Gold Roger has been captured and executed. But before his death, he had announced to the world that all the wealth and power he had obtained, a treasure of epic proportions, could belong to anyone who finds One Piece. And while the anime still has not alluded to what One Piece is, many fans have put forward their own hypothesis as to what it is. Now as you can imagine, this announcement had not only set off a chain reaction of interest and desire for One Piece, but started the age of pirates. The story is based upon a tiered plot system, where not to be too confusing, many different sub-plots, story arks and characters are involved in their own individual events/circumstances, while still maintaining relevance with the story as a whole.

A majority of the story takes place in the Grand Line, a mystical strip of ocean running along the equatorial centre of the world. In this ocean, and owing to its mysterious nature, each individual island can consists of its own unique climate, environment and mystery. For example, one may be under continuous winter and populated almost exclusively with people; while another may contain a jungle environment, populated with giant animals and a more advanced civilisation. Baring in mind of course, these islands could be considerably close to each other, while never actually influencing one other at the same time. Now of course, without a conflict of forces, the effectiveness of the story would quickly be rendered mute. And in One Piece, there are two forces at play; the pirates searching and battling for One Piece, and the second force is the World Government trying to end the age of pirates, making them the counter balance to the equation.

This being shonen, you’d expect some type of special powers or abilities with which this anime may individualise itself. And of course, you’d be right. In One Piece there are fruit known as Devil Fruit, these fruit have the ability to grant a unique power to anyone who consumes one; and although that person loses the ability to swim in water, it usually makes that individual superior to anyone without an ability. As you would expect, a few of the Straw Hat Pirates have Devil Fruit powers which I would love to explain. But for reasons of respect for the show, and that I don’t believe I could properly do the crew justice in so short a post; I will leave that up to discovery.

So, what makes the Straw Hat Pirates so unique? I don’t think I could do that question as much justice as watching the series could. What makes One Piece such a great anime? Now this is an answer I think I could do justice, and without the worry of introducing any spoilers. There is no simple answer as to why One Piece is so loved, for one thing, it has unrivalled originality in its setting and characters. Of the hundreds of characters that have been introduced, each one is almost completely unique in both appearance and personality. Not only is the story is great, but the setting that is the Grand Line owes itself to completely new experiences and stories every few episodes. The characters have a real strength behind them; you easily believe their motivations, emotions and ambitions. But all this is trivial compared to the real reason to love this anime. And that is the emotions you experience when watching it; I have cried, laughed, got angry and sad while watching One Piece. You don’t watch One Piece, you live it.

Hopefully I’ve enticed you enough to give One Piece a try, you won’t go wrong. And even if you’ve never watched an anime series before, or more than that, you’re completely new to the whole idea of anime. I say to you, no, I plea to you; give One Piece a try; because you can’t go wrong when the first anime you watch may just happen to be your favourite. gr33n_FIEND

Overpowered Anime Characters

I can already see it now from the early prospects of this post's title. In fact I predict a thick and coagulated batch of controversy. So far though, it doesn't seem to be all that bad because it’s starting to smell a bit like liquorice. In order to stem the predicted tide of complaints, I’m going to address this problem right here, right now. I agree that modern electronic mediums like gaming encourages everyone to hold their own subjective (whether ill-considered or not) opinion. So as is the nature of things, what I deem to be an unbalanced or overpowered anime character may very well be seen as entirely the opposite or anywhere in between for everyone else. In order to better illustrate my point, and as common sense would dictate, I’m going to give a brief description into what I believe makes a character overpowered or unbalanced.

In an attempt to look slightly intelligent and for the sake of this post, I have invented the Superman rule. Superman Rule: An anime character is eligible for the term ‘overpowered’ and/or ‘unbalanced’ when they exceed or have equivalencies to/with the relative power of the DC character ‘Superman’. Power does not refer to the specific powers of Superman within or outside of his universe but instead equates to his strength of ability within his own contextual universe. Since Superman’s ability, while entirely strong in his own contextual universe, may not be exceedingly strong in another contextual universe. We must refer to the relative scale at which he can achieve his ends within his own universe. Simply put, a character is overbalanced when in the context of his/her/its own specific fictional (and equally awesome) universe; he/she/it can overcome their goals with the same achievability as Superman. Even more so if the character seems too strong to be suppressed by any naturally occurring elements of the contextual universe.

After reading, considering and attempting to apply my definition of an overpowered anime character; you’d be perfectly justified in questioning the relevancy of my ‘Superman rule’. This is especially the case when we consider how many characters would in fact equal or exceed Superman in strength. While the ‘Superman rule’, I admit, is undoubtedly on shaky grounds. By being able to question anime characters to some extent, it must maintain some iota of usefulness. Another question I must consider is why does this even matter? An important question to be sure, especially when considering that no matter the circumstances that may confront me; I am and always will be an anime fan. My only problem with anime should now be as clear as day, obvious in fact. I really dislike the idea and practice of using overbalanced characters. Yes they have an uncanny ability to fill most plot holes in anime, and I’ll grant that the way in which they present their abilities is usually a sight to behold (a.k.a. epic). But they degrade the story, introduce story warps and worst of all, they have an annoying ability to render many of the other characters irrelevant. Even if one were to assume that power/ ability played no prominent role in a specific sub-plot, arc or story; they represent the lack in other characters, and such is the nature of anime that with this lack, a character starts to subside in our minds.

I think it would be appropriate to briefly explain what a story warp is. To me a story warp can be most simply defined as continuous plot corrections or vacancies causing accumulated unbalance. When a writer introduces an overpowered anime character, for whatever reason, they must then introduce some way in which to suppress this power. Moreover, so to allow for a more acceptable story, more and more extravagant plot devices are introduced so to explain the imbalance of a character. This can become so prevalent that if the plot isn’t reigned in or carefully reworked; it sooner or later becomes too much for fans to accept. Another aspect of an overpowered character is that they can generate a definitive lack of interest in an anime series. If we are to imagine a situation in which an overbalanced character provides the protagonist foundation for most of the power in a series. Other characters must usually then rely upon this character constantly to proceed. So much so that the effectiveness of story and its characters begin to dilute and wane. These are the problems among many others.

I love anime. It's because of this reason that I won't pick on a specific anime series. Some of them even accomodate overpowered (or close to that overpowered) characters; yet maintain the status quo through well written means. Despite my accusations, anime writers do tend to avoid some of the holes I have mentioned. More than anything else, Im using this post to creatively and constructively vent my frustration. I do this so that I may continue to enjoy a favourite pastime of mine. Anime I am grateful for your existence. green_FIEND

Patch Me Up Scotty

Patching is great, I love patching, no seriously, I do. In fact, just the mere thought of some new content in an enjoyable game makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And before anyone reading this objects to my disproportionate attitude toward patches, and as understandable as these objections may be, considering that they can usually signify a lazy programmer or tester. It is often at times all that’s needed in resuscitating a broken but potentially great game; let us not forget the introduction of inspired content or some desperately needed stability that a patch may promise. I’d say that as much as a patch can indicate laziness, it can equally indicate a dedicated and passionate team.

In the land of patches; there are the good, the bad and the ugly. The good introduce inspired content (either through a developers own devices or just as often it may be inspired by a true fan ranting on a forum), improve performance and features, offer compatibility, modding and a number of other great aspects. An example of a patch would be the COD 5 patches, famous for their new zombie mod maps which I especially love so very much. A good patch may also fix bugs, now I know what you may be thinking, how can a patch that counteracts bad programming be classified as a good patch? Well its simple really, no one is perfect and as such, people make mistakes in game design and creation. It’s just the nature of coding, there are too many variables to completely account for, and in fact, if a developer had to attempt to find and fix every bug that existed in a fairly complex game, it would not only never get released but would put our favourite companies out of business. And sometimes, through mostly unfortunate and unexpected circumstances, a developer may go under. When (and if) a new developer takes over, they then may find and fix bugs; alternatively however, they may also add content that the old developer may have never even considered. On the top of modding, without the developers constant reworking of a gaming engine through patches, we may never have seen some of the many great patches that now exist.

The faculties of a bad patch are often far less a reason to get overjoyed, yet they aren’t without their gains. Yes some of these patches are annoyingly large, and yes, it’s not unreasonable to assume that many of these patches could have been avoided with a little more work on the developer’s side. But I for one completely embrace and relish their existence; for one thing, without these annoying patches, there would be far more annoying bugs in one of my absolute favourite pc games, Fallout 3. Another thing that constitutes a bad patch, and I’m sure you’ll all agree; is the patches that change or remove features or tech that we otherwise wanted or enjoyed. A great example of this would be found in the game Assassin’s Creed, you see were I’m going with this don’t you? Let me explain, Assassin’s Creed originally shipped with DirectX 10.1 support, something that at the time could only be utilised by ATI graphics cards. Unfortunately, and to the annoyance of ATI (and especially HD4xxx series card owners) supporters, through bribery from the ever so greedy Nvidia, DX10.1 support was removed. But what constitutes these patches as bad and not ugly I here you say? Because as troubling as they are, I move on, by that I mean; while I may throw a bit of slander around, express something on a forum or heckle a supporter of the patch. Over time I get over it, start embracing the changes and attempt to enjoy the somewhat new experience. What we find in the belly of an ugly patch is far more deranged and demonic.

These patches are the stuff of nightmares, not only do they strike fear in the hearts of gamers, but they cause me so much pain in speaking about them that I’m going to make this as brief as possible. Ugly patches barely work; in that they never correctly detect games, registries, executables and the like. And when they do work they do nothing but make the game worse. Ok, granted that not all patches make a game worse, but they don’t do what you want either. Here is an example; you’re playing a game that is way to buggy for words, this of course indicates the pure money grubbing laziness of the developers and/or its publishers. So you decide to search online for a patch or two, fair enough, only to discover however, a multiple of ridiculously large patches which would destroy your cap in any vain attempt to download them. Fortunately you’re an avid reader of a pc gaming magazine and they have generously answered your call by supplying the patches on disc. Hooray, great, ready for a new shot at the game. Wait, hold on, something’s wrong. Because of course the patch fixes almost nothing and you’re still encountering the same stupid bugs you are originally. That is what I call an ugly patch.

Whether you decide to disagree or agree, that is up to you. But patches are here to stay; I just hope it’s a lot more of the good, rather than the bad and the ugly. From my first two posts you may assume I’m an angry gamer. I’m really not, I just get frustrated when things tamper with my most favourite of past times, and this my friends is seeming goal of most quintessential patches. gr33n_FIEND

X-Blades... It's a shame really :(

Elite, noob or casual, no matter the gamer, no matter the age, if I were to ask the simple question, what would you get if you mixed ‘Devil May Cry’ with ‘Serious Sam’? Without a shadow of doubt, the answer would be one of two things; a short and approving “epic” or a freakishly high pitched scream of joy. Unfortunately, when it comes to the game X-Blades, the saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover” comes to mind. X-Blades was developed by Gaijin Entertainment and published by both South Peak Interactive and Top Ware Interactive. It starts with its good foot first, but it must’ve stubbed its toe on the way in because the game not only starts to make a distinct growling noise, but seems to refuse to allow the player have almost any fun at all.

Sure it has some nifty cel-shaded graphics, it also closely resembles the anime look it was so obviously inspired by. But like the many games before it and almost certainly the games to follow, graphics will never be the be all and end all of a game. I should probably tell you a little about it, it’s a hack and slash adventure game; the player assumes the role of Ayumi, a sword wielding, gun slinging Dante wanabe. Her fighting style is very similar in essence to Dante’s (the lead character of Devil May Cry), while Dante has an absolutely absurd amount melee and ranged attacks, enough in fact to put even Kratos to shame. Ayumi has the same repetitive melee and ranged attack throughout the entire game. She can also gain a variety of new abilities, this is achieved by collecting souls found within each of the levels, the player does this by both attacking and defeating the many enemies, and/or collecting soul pieces placed throughout each level. When it comes to fighting these so called enemies however, it is an endeavour similar to that of a Serious Sam game; in each level there is a succession of progress blockers, once the player reaches these areas, a series of fixed generic monsters and monster generators spawn in, in order to proceed the player must defeat all of these opponents. Unfortunately for the player, the monsters seem to be nothing but re-skinned, recycled and atrociously dim A.I.

Things aren’t going great for X-Blades are they. I’m not going to beat around the bush, the screenshots of X-Blades sold me, and I really did believe I would enjoy it. The problem with the game is not its founding idea, that’s solid and settled. But its severe lack of polish in areas like; delayed movement controls, repetitive game play mechanics, abilities that add almost no advantage to combat and a tiresome soundtrack. The story just has no motivation behind it; its gaping plot holes, failure in tying levels together and poor dialogue they all pull away at the games core. Endless as this list may be, I wouldn’t give in so easily and was determined to finish it. No game should be this hard to enjoy, it just isn’t any fun for any extended amount of time. And when you consider the amount we pay for games nowadays, any charm or potential this game originally had, quickly and regrettably became obsolete.

Im sorry to say, but it gets a lowly score from me. gr33n_FIEND