Borderlands: where ownage is the aim

A dust storm settles as you prepare to take flight into the life threatening world of Pandora. It is you, your gun against a mass of enemies who will make your life a living hell. Borderlands is not a game for the faint of heart, because around every turn are surprises (some funny and others outright awesome). These can be mutated dogs called Skags to bandits who are really a bunch of intergalactic hillbillies. On the planet of Pandora you either go with the flow or against it. Playing the game I experienced a gut wrenching over the top ride bursting at the core with enough excitement for any hardcore gamer. So get ready for a serving of pure unfiltered action, and a few tranquilisers for the shock of awesome that is about to enter your system.

Borderlands was engineered by Gearbox software who are so epic that their first try at a original game is pure win. The game harnesses mystical powers combining first person shooter style, with the grace and depth of an RPG (roleplaying game). This means you can haul ass with huge weapons, and gather loot like theres no tomorrow. You have the choice of picking four different characters: Brick the berserker with strong melee abilities, Lilith with a phasewalk ability meaning she can teleport. There is Mordecai a bounty hunter specializing in sniper rifles and pistols, with his pet Bloodwing (who kicks major ass). A final choice is the mercenary Roland who is great for close combat and is able to deploy a turret that mows down enemies like a lawnmower in a field of zombies.

The story of Borderlands begins with the discovery of the Vault on Pandora, which opens up every 200 years. This is where your character kicks butt and depending on who you choose, the game plays out differently. But, the essential goal is finding the Vault and opening it with vault keys scattered across Pandora. It is rumoured to have alien technology and vast amounts of loot enticing many from across the galaxy to take their chances, and become Vault Hunters. The story is simple and is not over complicated. But the experience for me was full to the max with ownage. Borderlands is a joyride in a nuclear-powered scooter with no brake and a steep hill ahead. With that being said the game mechanics involves first person shooter action alla Unreal Tournament, meaning violent and oh so sweet headshots. It is then mixed with a dash of Diabol-esque item hording, leaving you with a smile of glee as your pillage whats left of your enemies.

The graphics are in no way jaw-dropping but are stylized and cell shaded, giving off a cartoon feel so fresh in a market where games aim for realism. This goes well with the bloody violence and roster of missions including: bounties, scavenger hunts, car races which bring the game up a few notches on the belt of godly gaming. The music was nothing to write home about (even from a galactic outpost on the far edges of the galaxy). But, in all honesty Borderlands is a real gem from Gearbox and has miniscule faults. It’s available on: XBOX 360, PC and PlayStation 3. Now, get those arms flexed and ready to enter Borderlands where the badass are really badass.

The game gets 85% and an approval of awesomeness from me. RAMjew

Anime, the choice drug

I’ve been an anime connoisseur for nine years roughly, and have seen the ups and downs of the industry. The quality of anime titles ranges yearly and some anime peak, reaching untold heights of popularity. But, anime fans become addicted, and end up in a never ending cycle. Except, this cycle involves fantasizing about 2D anime characters.

In 2006 the otherwordly Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya was broadcast. The series was stylized by jaw-dropping animation, a mysterious plot and a hysterical titular character. Haruhi generated huge fandom both in Japan, and on a global scale. Extreme Haruhi fandom led to the establishment of Haruhism. Haruhists (as they like to be known) are a cult following the lore of Queen Haruhi, believing in espers, time travelers and aliens. It is amazing that an anime detailing the life of a Japanese highschool girl with god-like powers can be influential in society.

Narutards are equally as disturbing and are infatuated with the innerworkings of fictional characters’ relationships. Paramount to this is the rise in Sasuke and Naruto fanfiction. The fanfiction offers interpretations of Naruto and Sasuke relationships, and sometimes other pairings. Some of the works depict sexual relations and unnecessary details. Any person can see that these retards have nothing better to do than dream about their favourite characters getting it on. Otherwise, they would all be watching One Piece (the number 1 show in Japan) brimming to the rim with epicness that outmatches the fantasies any Narutard can think of. In reality they would rather watch a 100 more fillers about Naruto’s flatulence and the perverted escapades of Jiraiya.

This leads me to the conclusion that anime is a drug. Once you inject yourself, you’ll be tripping over the variety of anime. Confounded you will try and muster up the courage to watch as much as you can. In truth you will end up failing miserably, and probably living in your cousin’s basement. Finally when you’re on your deathbed uttering your last words, a Narutard will be laughing like a retard enjoying his Naruto and chicken wings. Awaiting him will be 200 filler episodes, examining Kakashi’s earlobe and Sakura’s love hate relationship with Naruto. RAMjew

Horror has never been so lol!

Over many moons there arrives a horror movie which defies all logic, and overrides the laws of physics. It obtains in the process a state of epicness, and lolness like no other. Halloween II might be that movie because Rob Zombie has hit gold. Rob Zombie rebooted the dying Halloween franchise in 2007 and garnered mild success. Forward to 2010 and the release of his sequel, which looks more like an extended version of one of his music videos.

Lauri Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton) has survived the murdering mayhem of her pyscho hulk brother Michael in the previous film (Tyler Mane). Once, again Michael kills people in a variety of gory, obscene ways. All in the hope of getting to his sister Lauri, now named Angel in the film. The film suffers from being a confused mess, with random symbolism and moments that defy common sense. Michael is able to flip cars over with his bare hands, and dismember bodies like a fiend on speed. The consistent use of a white horse throughout the film is quite jarring, enhancing the lol factor of the film. Michael seems to be the Hulk rather than a serial killer on steroids. Or, perhaps he is both.

One of the more promising points of the film is the score, and the intriguing direction Rob Zombie chose to take the franchise in. The score uses classic 80s synth music coupled with some classic rock bringing a bit of nostalgia to the movie. This reminds me of many other slasher films from the same time period as Halloween, and enhances the funny moments of the film (which are meant to be so horrific). Rob Zombie uses many weird transitions and has unexplained plotholes in his version of the franchise, but offers some weirdness and a plate of awesomeness instead. The movie is a must see for any horror fan looking for a good laugh. The promise of a low budget film in the hodpodge of over-complicated horror movies, is strangely welcoming. Weird is good, and Rob Zombie deserves a view. RAMjew

Kaze No Stigma stinks!

If one anime could be filled to the rim with generic vomit, that would be Kaze No Stigma. I watched the anime on the recommendation from a friend. But, oh was I sorely mistaken. I am quite the avid anime fan and appreciate a good action anime every now and again. I don't even mind the slight inkling of romance and comedy. Yet, Kaze No Stigma takes stereotype and fanservice way over the top. The anime was animated by Gonzo, who produce anime ranging from average to epic. This anime was average, bordering on stupid.

First off, there are two main characters Kazuma Yagami and Ayano Kannagi. Kazuma is the quintessential silent, but strong type. He has been exiled from the Kannagi family, because of his inability to use fire jutsu. Kazuma is very much the Sasuke of the series, with less emo-ness and a pole up his ass. He is constantly protecting his brother, who is the damzel in distress for most of the series. Ayano on the other hand is a strong willed redhead much like Shana from Shakugan No Shana. This shows no true effort on the part of Gonzo to establish her character more effectively.

The animation is mediocre as expected of such a fail series, and character development is limited going nowhere. Fans will be left with dissatisfaction and a coppery taste in their mouth, from biting their tongue at the epic fail of the anime. RAMjew

Born to be a rebel? Red Faction Needs you!

You know I have this theory that rebels must have a hard time. This thesis of sorts was confirmed whilst playing the awesome game Red Faction Guerilla. Where, oddly enough you are a rebel and the main objective is to blow stuff up. The player faces the evil actions of the Earth Defense Force (EDF) who plan to terraform Mars to hell and gone. You take on the role of Alec Mason, a mining engineer who seeks revenge for the death of his brother. Red Faction Guerilla is a third person shooter, sandbox game by developer, Volition. Volition well known for their previous Red Faction games mix up the gameplay and borrow heavily from other sandbox games. This in itself is not a bad thing as it takes the best elements of GTA, Prototype and even Assassin’s Creed. The player is faced with the daunting task of taking back control of Mars from the EDF. Mars itself is divided into different sectors in which the player has to lower the control of the EDF, by blowing stuff up and completing missions. Different EDF facilities are rated in order of importance, meaning if you take out a high importance target more control will be lost. Missions range from demolition, to transporting vehicles and even guerilla raids on the enemy.

The fun of the game is in completing these missions which raise the morale of the people in a sector. As the morale increases ordinary civilians begin to join the guerilla movement, and support you in your fight against the EDF. What, also makes the game unique is the freedom it allows you to achieve a mission objective. For example if you wanted to blow up a target you could set up mines, destroy it with large vehicles or even rocket launch it to hell. This ease of choice means there are endless possibilities. The storyline is intriguing with the continuous plotting of the EDF, the unknown goals of the marauders and the story of a man seeking revenge.

Red Faction Guerilla has excellent graphics, but has some lag issues which may depend on the specs of your rig. The game offers something different in the overcrowded sandbox genre, improving on some of it’s borrowed gameplay elements. Overall, the game will satisfy any gamer with a taste for destruction and mayhem.

84% A great game, let the destruction begin. RAMjew

Pollen on the Brain (A Plants vs. Zombies Review)

Unfortunately in the world of gaming, the recycling of old and unoriginal gaming ideas is a viable and highly profitable business. It’s not often that a developer like Pop Cap (being the kings of recycling themselves) makes something new, yes they create newer games, but those games are basically re-skinned versions of their older ones and as such, are not really new in a sense. But winds of change seem to be blowing, because unbelievably, they made not only a new game, but one that involved every gamer’s favourite mascot, the zombie. Naturally, I was quite excited, although I must admit I still had my reservations; once I had played the game however, those reservations quickly became null and void as I found myself playing an incredibly fun game.

Plants vs. Zombies is basic in its formula but very big in its result. By taking influences from the tower defence maps of Warcraft 3, and building upon that simple premise, the player must prevent zombies from munching on the brains (which they oh so lovingly do) of the houses owner. It’s simple yet deceptively fun. Zombies, being the nuisance they are, spawn in continuous waves on the right side of a garden, their goal, is simply to get to the left side where the owners house is located. Your job as the player is to strategically place plants in an effort to prevent the zombies from accomplishing their goal; which as you would expect, becomes progressively more difficult each level. In order to successfully defend your garden, and through the various methods available to you, the player must collect enough sun power with which you can plant your vegetable army. How these photo synthesisers of doom manage to impede such zombie masses? Well I’m not exactly sure, but what I do know, is that by acting as either defensive obstacles or offensive attackers, they get the job done with satisfying effect.

These satisfying ingredients make up a majority of the game, but between every few levels, and after completing the game however, a series of enjoyable mini-games present themselves. These mini-games allow for a variation of play styles, this successfully manages to keep the game fresh and fun; ranging from the bowling over of zombies with walnuts, to playing a bejewelled style game with a twist.

As important as gameplay may be, there are many other elements to which comprise a game. For example, both the graphical style and audio track lend themselves brilliantly to the game and its accommodating themes. In fact, they do more than that, because they help to complete the game. Without these specific design choices, the game would seem less like a retail product and more like a mini browsing game. Over and above everything else I have mentioned, it’s the polish that most astounds me. The game is well balanced, almost completely bug free and not to mention incredibly addictive. Not only has Plants vs. Zombies been polished to an absolute T, but the game reeks of character, to a point you’d think it was the stilton of gaming. So what am I trying to say? Well it’s quite simple really, play Plants vs. Zombies. It really is a fine game, and if anything to go by, I see better days to come from Pop Cap.

It's a great game, its only real failing is its short length. gr33n_FIEND

One Small Piece of Anime Heaven

One Piece, it was almost assuredly love at first sight. Not only is it my most beloved and cherished of anime series, but for me and many others;it defines what an anime series should be. To such an extent in fact, One Piece has become an epic in its own right. Ok, so that’s more than enough fan speak for now, I don’t want you to get tired of me before you finish reading this post. So let me cut out all the unnecessary fat, and let’s get down to business. Yes, I believe One Piece to be worthy of praise, and yes, I am writing this post in the hopes of convincing, if only a few of you, to watch One Piece. But I’m not naive, and I’m most certainly not stupid, well at least I hope I’m not. I also know that not everyone reading this post is a fan of anime, moreover, I know that every anime fan that is reading this post, already has a favourite anime. So in the attempts of not angering anyone, and therefore losing my cause, I am going to try and motivate my point.

One Piece is story which revolves around the exploits and characters of the Straw Hat Pirates. Pirate anime, originality from the get go. The Straw Hat Pirates are a crew 9, who consist of:

Luffy (Captain)
Zoro (Swordfighter)

Nami (Navigator)
Usopp (Sniper I guess)
Sanji (Cook)
Chopper (Docter)
Robin (Archaeologist)
Franky (Shipwright)
Brook (Musician)

A normal enough crew name wise, but as you can see, there is clearly nothing ordinary about them. Before I make an attempt at explaining what makes this particular crew or any other character in One Piece, unique; it would probably be wise of me to explain the setting of which this anime finds itself. One Piece is set in a world of fantasy, where the King of Pirates, Gold Roger has been captured and executed. But before his death, he had announced to the world that all the wealth and power he had obtained, a treasure of epic proportions, could belong to anyone who finds One Piece. And while the anime still has not alluded to what One Piece is, many fans have put forward their own hypothesis as to what it is. Now as you can imagine, this announcement had not only set off a chain reaction of interest and desire for One Piece, but started the age of pirates. The story is based upon a tiered plot system, where not to be too confusing, many different sub-plots, story arks and characters are involved in their own individual events/circumstances, while still maintaining relevance with the story as a whole.

A majority of the story takes place in the Grand Line, a mystical strip of ocean running along the equatorial centre of the world. In this ocean, and owing to its mysterious nature, each individual island can consists of its own unique climate, environment and mystery. For example, one may be under continuous winter and populated almost exclusively with people; while another may contain a jungle environment, populated with giant animals and a more advanced civilisation. Baring in mind of course, these islands could be considerably close to each other, while never actually influencing one other at the same time. Now of course, without a conflict of forces, the effectiveness of the story would quickly be rendered mute. And in One Piece, there are two forces at play; the pirates searching and battling for One Piece, and the second force is the World Government trying to end the age of pirates, making them the counter balance to the equation.

This being shonen, you’d expect some type of special powers or abilities with which this anime may individualise itself. And of course, you’d be right. In One Piece there are fruit known as Devil Fruit, these fruit have the ability to grant a unique power to anyone who consumes one; and although that person loses the ability to swim in water, it usually makes that individual superior to anyone without an ability. As you would expect, a few of the Straw Hat Pirates have Devil Fruit powers which I would love to explain. But for reasons of respect for the show, and that I don’t believe I could properly do the crew justice in so short a post; I will leave that up to discovery.

So, what makes the Straw Hat Pirates so unique? I don’t think I could do that question as much justice as watching the series could. What makes One Piece such a great anime? Now this is an answer I think I could do justice, and without the worry of introducing any spoilers. There is no simple answer as to why One Piece is so loved, for one thing, it has unrivalled originality in its setting and characters. Of the hundreds of characters that have been introduced, each one is almost completely unique in both appearance and personality. Not only is the story is great, but the setting that is the Grand Line owes itself to completely new experiences and stories every few episodes. The characters have a real strength behind them; you easily believe their motivations, emotions and ambitions. But all this is trivial compared to the real reason to love this anime. And that is the emotions you experience when watching it; I have cried, laughed, got angry and sad while watching One Piece. You don’t watch One Piece, you live it.

Hopefully I’ve enticed you enough to give One Piece a try, you won’t go wrong. And even if you’ve never watched an anime series before, or more than that, you’re completely new to the whole idea of anime. I say to you, no, I plea to you; give One Piece a try; because you can’t go wrong when the first anime you watch may just happen to be your favourite. gr33n_FIEND