Just Cause 2 - where a grappling hook and parachute is all you need!

Remember the days when games were about gameplay, shooting enemies in a frenzy of violence, achieving that fatality after a hard battle in Mortal Kombat and dismembering hordes of zombies with a chainsaw. Avalanche Studios and Eidos the developers behind the original Just Cause have recognised this long hallowed tradition and came to the table with Just Cause 2. It’s a brutal departure from the mundane experience of the first game with high-octane stunts and gravity defying physics. From the outset, it is made clear the game isn’t focused on plot. Rather, gameplay is king and Just Cause 2 marries Chuck Norris fighting technique with the execution of a James Bond film. Shooting itself up with a few injections of adrenaline like jumping face first out of a plane at high altitude. Just Cause 2 is both a pleasure and an irritation.



The game’s storyline resembles a B-grade action movie and appears at first glance to be the oh-so predictable espionage tale of intrigue and big explosions. Just Cause 2 is set in the expansive South-East Asian island of Panau which is run in a similar vein to Cold War era Cuba, mixed with a bit of North Korean flair. You play as Rico Rodriquez an agent working for the shadowy US organisation “the Agency” and your mission is to eliminate the fascist regime of Baby Panay. The game follows the typical route of many of its sandbox predecessors, where players have a huge world map to explore (in the case of Just Cause 2 it’s epicly huge) and complete various missions. These missions are plentiful and the game itself works on the basis that the player needs to create chaos in order to increase the mission roster. With the insane arsenal of upgradeable weapons for purchase, not to mention vehicles, achieving chaotic bliss is no difficult chore and once you amass enough chaos various missions become available. Missions are divided between faction missions and agency missions, but first you have to choose one of the many factions.

Three main factions exist: the Roaches led by a corrupt businessman, the Reapers (definitely Che Guevara fans) and finally the Ular Boys led by a religious revolutionary reminiscent of the ever popular Osama Bin Laden. Faction missions follow the very simple formula of destroy, destroy, blow up stuff, destroy, save a hostage, destroy and destroy some more. The same can be said of the agency missions, which becomes repetitive as the game progresses. For the most part this is quite entertaining but can drag on after an intensely long gaming session. The reality is that Just Cause 2 is a game best played when either boredom sets in or time is not a factor. This doesn’t mean Just Cause 2 is a bad experience. Actually, it’s quite enjoyable and excessively fun until you have to travel from one side of the world map to the other searching for a mission trigger. In the game fighting increases the alertness of enemies (similar to wanted levels in GTA) and the more chaos you cause the higher the alert level. So be wary because if you’re alert level reaches critical you’ll be bombarded with missiles from every corner and the Panauan army will surface. But, if you have the skills you may survive, and fighting is at the heart of Just Cause 2’s game mechanic. The game is about duking it out with enemies and this is where the absurd charm of Just Cause 2 begins to shine.


Gameplay for the most part centers around a system relying on Rico’s dual grappling hook and his never-ending supply of parachutes. Pair this with a barrage of upgradeable weaponry and vehicles obtainable by gathering ‘parts’ and you become a lethal combination that leaves enemies incapacitated. The player can find a million ways to kill enemies, employing only the dynamics of the grappling hook and surrounding environment. In my own dabbling in-game I found attaching enemies to burstable gasoline cylinders quite enjoyable, with the enemy shooting straight up into the atmosphere hurtling. The absurdity of the gameplay is taken to new heights in some of the missions. One mission involves the player having to destroy a rocket midair whilst flying a jet at break speed where death greets you at the slightest error. Just Cause 2 is really over-the-top and is enjoyable in short bursts and in the end the gameplay means the player can be as creative as they want. But, one of the main problems with the game is the mission roster which is infinite and in my opinion wasteful of playing time. Where the game could be more dynamic by varying mission types, it ends up repeating the same missions with different scenery. This again is why I suggest you don’t solely dedicate gaming time to Just Cause 2, because I see it more as a ‘filler’ between other games.


The extensive world map is relentless and completing the game fully is a quest in itself. There are quite a few villages and cities scattered across the terrain begging to be freed and players can let loose enjoying the pure mayhem, still after prolonged play this too becomes tiring. Ultimately Just Cause 2 is a game you’d play for the sake of gameplay and is really exciting while it lasts, but dries out soon enough. Some would argue that the storyline is where the game falters but I thoroughly enjoyed the camp-ness of it all ( the terrible voice acting included). It really brought out the cheesiness of those old spy films the game is mirroring. Most would overlook this title because of dated graphics, which I might add are not really an issue on the PC, whereas on the XBOX 360 version the quality of the graphics is supposedly abysmal.

Yet, what is concerning is that gamers nowadays are coaxed into games with high polygon counts and the gameplay mechanics of a chimpanzee with a joystick (Dark Void anyone). Whereas, Just Cause 2 is a game dedicated to gameplay and shouldn’t be overlooked because of dated graphics. It sets out to be a fun explosive thrill and achieves that, but lacks storytelling depth and variety in missons which would otherwise make it an utter hit with the majority of gamers. Just Cause 2 is a hit and miss, with wasted potential. RAMjew

Iron Man's number two

Just this week I was asked by a friend the most deep and intellectual question, ever possible. It was so amazing and shocking that I remained in a state of silence for a few seconds, before swiftly in my mind visualising possibilities. The question, simply put by the oh so clever individual, was, "Hey, how do you think Iron Man takes a dump flying around in his suit?". The question was so groundbreaking I considered my options, and the possibilities of how Iron Man could take a 'number two' materialised in front of my very eyes.

Some of the choices were so incredible I just had to share them with you.

Here they are in no particular order:

1. Iron Man shares the same excrement disposal system that airplanes use where planes ascend to high altitudes and said excrement becomes frozen, and is released into the ocean below.
2. Iron Man has a unique fossil fuel generator integrated into his suit so when he decides to let the ‘spaceship’ loose, it is converted into a viable fossil fuel (in comparison to something like coal).
3. Iron Man has a missile guidance system situated near his rear that shoots out special skudmark missiles made of a combination of faecal matter and high explosives.
4. Finally, Iron Man simply has a release latch so that whenever he feels nature calling, he simply opens the hatch and lets loose like a pigeon midair.

These are all possibilities, and some could be the truth. Or, maybe Iron Man has a strong case of constipation and is in need of some laxatives. Better call an ambulance for the man of iron because nature is a bitch, even to superheroes like Iron Man. RAMjew

I didn’t realize it, but 300 Words makes reviewing things very difficult. Recently I had been given the task of a 300 word District 9 review. And while I don’t think I completely failed, I may need some practice. Anyway, here it is in all its mediocre glory:

"Breaking from stagnant tradition, Neil Blomkamp’s District 9 not only injects new life into the sci-fi genre, but manages to maintain the genres original redeeming qualities. Sci-fi customs seemed set in stone, character types repetitive, and narrative plots remaining generally unchanged. So it is definitely refreshing to see such fluid acting, readily identifiable themes, unique locations and cinematic choices. It’s an emotional roller coaster that supplies brilliance by the bucket load.

The film introduces us to Wikus van de Merwe, the corporation M.N.U. (Multi-National United) to which he works for, and who maintain District 9; the Johannesburg slum where a marooned alien species currently reside. In a routine reallocation project, Wikus unwittingly infuses himself with mutating alien D.N.A. and so must avoid capture by the M.N.U. who in the search for new weaponry, want to study him as they have secretly and brutally studied the resident aliens. Subsequently, Wikus attempts to aid the aliens in returning home, in exchange for a cure.

In striving to innovate, District 9 completely throws the genres defining characteristics on their head. Its indicative and emotional strength lies in its ability to twist the familiar into the unexpected. No longer are the alien’s a vastly superior, suppressive and omniscient force; but instead find themselves nutritionally crippled and at the mercy of humanity. Introduction of character, plot and setting through a documentary styled introduction takes the surreal aspect of sci-fi and makes it real. Combining this with some amazingly implemented and realistic C.G. effects gives an impression of believability. Which when applied to the very real themes of segregation and xenophobia, it becomes exceptionally easy to imagine ourselves in the same situation to which the characters find themselves; especially considering the films mirroring of Apartheid in a similar South African setting. District 9 begs for sympathy in aliens who closely resemble our own humanity, and asks us to recognise the evils of our own nature."

Its a brilliant movie. And regardless of anyone elses opinion, one of my favourites gr33n_FIEND

Rapture, There's No Place Like Home

For an allegedly flooded city at the bottom of the ocean and on the verge of collapse; the aptly named Rapture, seems to provide quite an accommodating home for its ‘unique’ citizens. And despite the fact that it’s on life support, in 2K Games’ Bioshock 2, Rapture’s environment is even livelier than what it was in the original Bioshock.

Not to be confused as a prequel; Bioshock 2 takes place eight years after the incidents of Bioshock 1. Andrew Ryan, being the ever so popular man that he was, had actually fostered two major enemies: Frank Fontaine a.k.a. Atlas, the plasmid whoring protagonist of the first game, and now Sofia Lamb, a psychiatrist way past her sell by date. This being Bioshock, we expect our antagonistic villains to meet the strict standards of crazy and power hungry to which we hold. Luckily for us, Sofia Lamb does that by bucket load.

The premise behind Bioshock 2 is simple, 2k Games, having recognised our urge to kick some serious ass from behind the visor of a Big Daddy suit. Lashes us (the player) into a prototype Big Daddy suit, names us Delta, and sends us on our merry way. As with any Big Daddy, our purpose revolves around the protection of the Little Sisters. But unlike any other Big Daddy, and owing to our prototype nature, we are paired with but one Little Sister named Eleanor. Unfortunately for us, and as is the nature of things, Eleanor just so happens to be the daughter of Rapture’s most popular resident psychotic, Sofia Lamb. This is introduced to us, in part, by an introductory cut scene, which according to Bioshock 2’s time scale occurs ten years before the start of the game and so two years before the start of Bioshock 1. Eleanor is captured against her will by Sofia and her goons, who through the use of those pesky plasmids, manipulates Delta into committing suicide. It’s ten years later and Eleanor, now all grown up, and along with the other Little Sisters of Rapture, want to be free of both Sofia and her monologue inducing plot. The game begins with the revival of Delta, after which, Eleanor requests the player to free her from her imprisonment. Ruining the plot or diluting the story wouldn’t give the game justice. So briefly, the game involves Delta’s trials in the attempt to find and rescue Eleanor, and tribulations in stopping Sofia’s plans.

In order for this plot to succeed, and as is done in the first game, the atmosphere of Rapture is really quite involved. It’s just as easy to get lost in the dystopian and steam punk lore of Rapture as it was in the original game, where the architecture and environment truly embrace the magnitude and achievement of something like Rapture. The numerously placed audio logs are also back, and this time in greater number. These serve to both introduce and carry a large portion of Rapture and its inhabitant’s story forward. Sadly the ocean views may get repetitive at times, and many of the areas seem to be more linear than the original game. But the level at which the characters and surrounding world interact and persuade us to believe all that we encounter, is easily of the same standard and if not better than the first game.

Being a prototype Big Daddy does explain why Delta is able to wield plasmids. Why a prototype is faster, stronger and smarter than the final version however, is beyond me. That being said, it shouldn’t really matter how Delta kicks ass; because if there’s but one universal truth to gaming, it’s that it’s fun to kick ass. Not being content with a simple rehash of the originals game mechanics. Enough change and improvement has been made to keep the combat, Adam collection and hacking mechanics of Bioshock 2 enjoyable. The combat has a faster pace, sometimes elevating to large scale showdowns and gunfights. Hacking is thankfully more intuitive and less interruptive, with the new hacking mini-game, the player must hack on the fly and so isn’t removed from the experience. Trying to hack an object while attempting to dodge incoming fire can be a lot of fun. Adam collection still sees us defeating our fellow Big Daddy brethren, the difference being that instead of simply choosing whether to harvest or save each individual Little Sister; the player can now choose to temporarily adopt the Little Sister. After doing so, we must subsequently locate and protect specific corpses, to which our Little Sister happily consumes their blood, mmm tasty. The benefit of protecting her from those maniacal splicers is a greater Adam return when we finally decide the fate of each Little Sister. These choices both shape the ending of the game and trigger a Big Sister to attack after saving or harvesting all available Little Sisters in a stage. Big Sisters are grown up Little Sister under the persuasion of Sofia Lamb; so prepare yourself for a fight, because apart from wielding almost every plasmid and some serious weaponry, they provide enough of a challenge to lay down some serious hurt. Being a Big Daddy, we come fully equipped and adorned with a bunch of neat trinkets; like the bolt friendly rivet gun, and the always satisfying and always effective giant drill.

Bioshock 2, just like the original Bioshock, is definitely a game worth playing. And while graphics addicts may have gripes with the visuals not being as smooth or the water as clear as its original, there is certainly a whole lot more animation going on. Besides, it was never trying to win any medals for its graphics. And bugs aside, its real strength is in its detail; characters portray a lot more emotion than the cardboard cut outs of most; and at times, its atmosphere can be audio and visual bliss. The game attempts to captivate and hold your attention from start to end, and to this endeavour, it does it brilliantly.

It isn’t perfect, but it’s a great reason for us to visit Rapture again; and that’s all we ever wanted. gr33n_FIEND

Borderlands: where ownage is the aim

A dust storm settles as you prepare to take flight into the life threatening world of Pandora. It is you, your gun against a mass of enemies who will make your life a living hell. Borderlands is not a game for the faint of heart, because around every turn are surprises (some funny and others outright awesome). These can be mutated dogs called Skags to bandits who are really a bunch of intergalactic hillbillies. On the planet of Pandora you either go with the flow or against it. Playing the game I experienced a gut wrenching over the top ride bursting at the core with enough excitement for any hardcore gamer. So get ready for a serving of pure unfiltered action, and a few tranquilisers for the shock of awesome that is about to enter your system.

Borderlands was engineered by Gearbox software who are so epic that their first try at a original game is pure win. The game harnesses mystical powers combining first person shooter style, with the grace and depth of an RPG (roleplaying game). This means you can haul ass with huge weapons, and gather loot like theres no tomorrow. You have the choice of picking four different characters: Brick the berserker with strong melee abilities, Lilith with a phasewalk ability meaning she can teleport. There is Mordecai a bounty hunter specializing in sniper rifles and pistols, with his pet Bloodwing (who kicks major ass). A final choice is the mercenary Roland who is great for close combat and is able to deploy a turret that mows down enemies like a lawnmower in a field of zombies.

The story of Borderlands begins with the discovery of the Vault on Pandora, which opens up every 200 years. This is where your character kicks butt and depending on who you choose, the game plays out differently. But, the essential goal is finding the Vault and opening it with vault keys scattered across Pandora. It is rumoured to have alien technology and vast amounts of loot enticing many from across the galaxy to take their chances, and become Vault Hunters. The story is simple and is not over complicated. But the experience for me was full to the max with ownage. Borderlands is a joyride in a nuclear-powered scooter with no brake and a steep hill ahead. With that being said the game mechanics involves first person shooter action alla Unreal Tournament, meaning violent and oh so sweet headshots. It is then mixed with a dash of Diabol-esque item hording, leaving you with a smile of glee as your pillage whats left of your enemies.

The graphics are in no way jaw-dropping but are stylized and cell shaded, giving off a cartoon feel so fresh in a market where games aim for realism. This goes well with the bloody violence and roster of missions including: bounties, scavenger hunts, car races which bring the game up a few notches on the belt of godly gaming. The music was nothing to write home about (even from a galactic outpost on the far edges of the galaxy). But, in all honesty Borderlands is a real gem from Gearbox and has miniscule faults. It’s available on: XBOX 360, PC and PlayStation 3. Now, get those arms flexed and ready to enter Borderlands where the badass are really badass.

The game gets 85% and an approval of awesomeness from me. RAMjew

Anime, the choice drug

I’ve been an anime connoisseur for nine years roughly, and have seen the ups and downs of the industry. The quality of anime titles ranges yearly and some anime peak, reaching untold heights of popularity. But, anime fans become addicted, and end up in a never ending cycle. Except, this cycle involves fantasizing about 2D anime characters.

In 2006 the otherwordly Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya was broadcast. The series was stylized by jaw-dropping animation, a mysterious plot and a hysterical titular character. Haruhi generated huge fandom both in Japan, and on a global scale. Extreme Haruhi fandom led to the establishment of Haruhism. Haruhists (as they like to be known) are a cult following the lore of Queen Haruhi, believing in espers, time travelers and aliens. It is amazing that an anime detailing the life of a Japanese highschool girl with god-like powers can be influential in society.

Narutards are equally as disturbing and are infatuated with the innerworkings of fictional characters’ relationships. Paramount to this is the rise in Sasuke and Naruto fanfiction. The fanfiction offers interpretations of Naruto and Sasuke relationships, and sometimes other pairings. Some of the works depict sexual relations and unnecessary details. Any person can see that these retards have nothing better to do than dream about their favourite characters getting it on. Otherwise, they would all be watching One Piece (the number 1 show in Japan) brimming to the rim with epicness that outmatches the fantasies any Narutard can think of. In reality they would rather watch a 100 more fillers about Naruto’s flatulence and the perverted escapades of Jiraiya.

This leads me to the conclusion that anime is a drug. Once you inject yourself, you’ll be tripping over the variety of anime. Confounded you will try and muster up the courage to watch as much as you can. In truth you will end up failing miserably, and probably living in your cousin’s basement. Finally when you’re on your deathbed uttering your last words, a Narutard will be laughing like a retard enjoying his Naruto and chicken wings. Awaiting him will be 200 filler episodes, examining Kakashi’s earlobe and Sakura’s love hate relationship with Naruto. RAMjew

Horror has never been so lol!

Over many moons there arrives a horror movie which defies all logic, and overrides the laws of physics. It obtains in the process a state of epicness, and lolness like no other. Halloween II might be that movie because Rob Zombie has hit gold. Rob Zombie rebooted the dying Halloween franchise in 2007 and garnered mild success. Forward to 2010 and the release of his sequel, which looks more like an extended version of one of his music videos.

Lauri Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton) has survived the murdering mayhem of her pyscho hulk brother Michael in the previous film (Tyler Mane). Once, again Michael kills people in a variety of gory, obscene ways. All in the hope of getting to his sister Lauri, now named Angel in the film. The film suffers from being a confused mess, with random symbolism and moments that defy common sense. Michael is able to flip cars over with his bare hands, and dismember bodies like a fiend on speed. The consistent use of a white horse throughout the film is quite jarring, enhancing the lol factor of the film. Michael seems to be the Hulk rather than a serial killer on steroids. Or, perhaps he is both.

One of the more promising points of the film is the score, and the intriguing direction Rob Zombie chose to take the franchise in. The score uses classic 80s synth music coupled with some classic rock bringing a bit of nostalgia to the movie. This reminds me of many other slasher films from the same time period as Halloween, and enhances the funny moments of the film (which are meant to be so horrific). Rob Zombie uses many weird transitions and has unexplained plotholes in his version of the franchise, but offers some weirdness and a plate of awesomeness instead. The movie is a must see for any horror fan looking for a good laugh. The promise of a low budget film in the hodpodge of over-complicated horror movies, is strangely welcoming. Weird is good, and Rob Zombie deserves a view. RAMjew